Every parent gets to a place at some point in their homeschool journey where it's just a struggle. The kids are pushing back, moaning, groaning, shuffling, and slouching their way through school. The more you push and reason, the more they sag in their chairs. You bargain, offer rewards, threaten to send them to public school, and use logical reasoning on how they would have so much more time to play if they just hurried up and finished; you just try everything! And still, they persist with the attitude. What can you do to break this cycle? How can you achieve these Pinterest-worthy dreams of engaged learners and wonder-filled eyes?
I have noticed a pattern where at least one of my kids falls into a season of this anti-school attitude about once a year for a couple of weeks. I have learned how to handle it so that it passes quickly, and for the rest of the year, I have little to no issues so that we are finished with school quickly and happily.
First, I have to recognize it quickly. It is very easy to get frustrated and allow emotions to rule. I have to stop that emotional plunge as fast as possible and switch to my process. Upset emotions fuel their grumpy attitudes.
Second, consider if there is another component causing more stress in their lives, where a break may be needed for all. Was there a death in the family, a change in relationships, moving, or health issues? If this isn’t a problem, move on.
Third, consider whether a subject or topic is stressing them out and needs more attention. They may need to back up and work through this slower, or they may need to learn a topic in a different way. Ensure you offer enough support for them in a way that works with their learning style.
Fourth, DO NOT PUSH. Say as little as possible about school. Call them to start. If they come and slouch around, don’t mention it. If you have other kids focusing on their work, work with them and allow them to go to their breaks or release them when finished. The child/children not working on what you have given them will just sit there, and eventually, they will ask if they can _____(ride a bike, play their tablet, watch TV, draw, play legos, whatever it is that they would rather do). Simply respond, “Yes, you can do that after you’ve finished ____.” There will likely be push back on this. Do not engage in the battle. Allow them to sit there until they decide to do what is expected. For us, this pattern often continues for about a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. But they always realize for themselves without me having to explain, that they will be able to more quickly do the things they want to do if they do their work quickly. Once they have made the decision that they will do it under their own power, then the battle is gone. They have made the choice. It is no longer a nagging and attitude tug of war.
This system has worked every time for me. Be prepared that school these days may take longer than you want. They may stubbornly sit there until dinnertime for a week. But once that struggle has passed, we can relax, learn, and enjoy each other’s company. If you have a power struggle going on in your house over school, give it a try, and let me know how it goes!
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